For a visual illustrated walkthrough of The CIVILITY Ecosystem™ and accompanying CIVILITY Constellation®, check out my video here:
You should never feel like you need to lead interactions with others being a version of yourself that you’re not.
Such insincerity only leads to eventual communication breakdown. People become acquainted to your public ‘mask’, which will inevitably slip during high-pressure situations, leaving them ‘surprised’ by the way you handled yourself.
“I thought you were more confident than that?”
“I thought you were more considerate than that?”
“I thought you were more articulate than what you ended up saying?”
To ensure you never get to the point where you’re exhausted and burnt out trying to overdeliver and ‘manage’ your relationships, we need you to start being your authentic self as a leader. True leadership requires you to close the gap between who you are in your head and who you are in the room.
That’s exactly why I created the CIVILITY Ecosystem™ and outlined an entire step-by-step self-empowerment system in my book CIVILITY OS, which you can check out on Amazon here.
Cultivate the REAL Leader Within You using The CIVILITY Ecosystem™
At some point in our lives, we’re called upon to take the helm.
Whether that be due to a sudden promotion into leadership, a client escalation, a burned out partner, or as a single mother coming out of a rough relationship yet still working full-time.
These are all situations where presenting a performative version of you isn’t an option. Try being charismatic and persuasive at work during a company restructuring if you’re actually a calm, articulate, and systems-thinking individual.
Now those charismatic and persuasive qualities may prove useful to you at certain moments, but they should develop within you naturally, ideally as a by-product when you’re leading from your strongest gift – whether that be your ability to articulate your thoughts, your ability to see patterns others can’t yet see, or something else entirely.
The CIVILITY Ecosystem™ in my book CIVILITY OS provides the opportunity for you to discover your strongest social/emotional skill through an in-depth questionnaire I developed. I call these social/emotional skills the “8 Cornerstone Civilities”, which are the following:
- Empathy
- Emotional Intelligence
- Charisma
- Negotiation
- Persuasion
- Assertiveness
- Articulation
- Foresight
For reasons outlined in the book, this is the entire spectrum of ‘pillar skills’ that holistically make up an effective, balanced (and inspirational) leader.
Now, remember what I said earlier? You don’t need all of them. You only need to lead with your best one or two (discoverable via the book’s questionnaire). Actively practicing those two will organically pump up your aptitude in your supporting civilities (those closely connected with your leading two).
How do you find your “supporting civilities” and how far can the CIVILITY Ecosystem™ take you as a leader?
That’s where the CIVILITY Constellation® can be helpful.
Visualising Your Unique Road to Positive Power with The CIVILITY Constellation®
Each Civility has its own relationship with each of the 7 other civilities.
Knowing this helps you focus your energy and efforts in the directions that feel most effortless to you. The ancient Chinese Taoist concept of “wu-wei” encapsulates this point exactly. “Wu-wei” is essentially about removing unnecessary effort from your life. Identifying the “unnecessary” is important. The Constellation provides this for your personal and professional development.
Everyone’s constellation will be different and unique to them. For example, someone who is an entrepreneur in the health sciences might finish reading CIVILITY OS and arrive on a constellation that looks like this:
This individual would discover that their leading two civilities are Foresight and Empathy. They would realise their unique advantages in owning and actively living by these civilities. They would be inspired to see that these two civilities actually match those of four well-known historical figures (here being John Lennon, Sir Edmund Hillary, Dante Alighieri, and Confucius). Their constellation tells them they would be naturally gifted at leaning into their (more extroverted) persuasive and charismatic abilities – these would be their effortless ‘next steps’ to holistic positive power.
They would also walk away with concrete actionable ways to install these civilities as an easy part of their everyday life.
They never had to consciously remember generic leadership frameworks, because they’re now leading with their innate strengths. They never felt slimy, pushy, or salesy, because the CIVILITY Ecosystem has refined their Facilitas.
You can find your very own CIVILITY Profile today with a copy of CIVILITY OS available on Amazon.
If you’re ready to step up and start intentionally practicing and refining your civilities, you can do so using my iOS app Embraven™, available on the Apple App Store.
For a visual walkthrough of what it’s like to train your civilities in an interactive way using Embraven™, check out my video below:
