Before we get into this week’s topic, my first book “CIVILITY OS: An Operating System to Redefine Your Personal and Professional Power” is officially out now and available on Amazon.
If you’re interested in an easy, holistic, and natural way to deepen your closest relationships, solidify your self-integrity, and champion your work to the world, this book may be for you.
Now, to the newsletter…
An Actor’s Approach to Persuasion (Why It’s a Game-changing Skill)
When I was working as an actor, I had the opportunity to play a large range of roles. Everything from a Shakespearean lover, to disfigured ‘Elephant Man’ Joseph Merrick, to world-renowned American lawyer Roy Cohn.
I fell in love with the ‘game’ of finding the best way for my character to ‘win the scene’.
In rehearsals, the actor has the ability to deploy and test out a wide range of ‘actions’ to most enhance and sharpen their scripted dialogue – in their ultimate attempt to win the scene. We mentally ‘energised’ our dialogue (spoken words) with ‘Actions’ (verbs). So a line like “How could you do that to me?” could be performed using the action of ‘showering’ the other person, or, in contrast, ‘infecting’ the other person. The action entirely changes how the line is delivered (vocally and through body language). This attracted and retained the attention of my audience – in other words, it made me ‘magnetic’.
When you are magnetic, you are persuasive. I could say just about anything on stage, and the audience would believe me.
Take this example and apply it to your daily life.
You may not have a script telling you what words to say, but you are often in negotiation with those around you to get what you want or have them believe what you have to say – and you do have every opportunity to either ‘win’ the scene, or lose it.
Your Programmed Beliefs about Persuasion are Holding You Back
Most people have no idea how integral persuasion is to their everyday lives and their personal fulfilment.
Ironically enough, when I was training as an actor, I would have veered far away from any concept of ‘Persuasion’ or ‘Sales’ because, at the time, my awareness of those concepts was limited. I defaulted to my programmed beliefs which told me that persuasion was manipulative and wrong, and ‘selling’ was only for the sleazy salespeople.
However, in every show I was in, the character who was the most persuasive (and who ‘sold’ their interests to others) ended up as the ‘winner’ of the story.
And what are our lives but one big story?
Thankfully, we’re not given any scripts – it’s a thing called free will.
So do you want to change your story? Do you want to win?
If so, you’ll need to get comfortable using persuasion.
Now when I say that, what goes through your mind?
- “Ew, Persuasion is a dirty word!”.
- “I don’t want to be pushy. That’s not me”
- “Persuasion is a dark art”
- “It’s just being manipulative and unethical”
- “Vultures exploiting people’s vulnerabilities”
- “I hate salespeople”
- “Persuasion is unfair on others”
- “No way, I care about people too much”
This is exactly what I once thought too.
Then I went through law school. I found out pretty quickly that besides learning how to read 35 legal cases in one week, the #1 skill that most of my colleagues were being trained in was actually persuasion:
- How to persuade the other party to drop their claim
- How to persuade opposing counsel to reach a settlement
- How to persuade the judge that your client’s position is the most logical
Consequently, this threw a whole new light on the concept of persuasion and sales.
Connect the dots:
- Lawyers are generally paid very well – they persuade others their position is correct
- Doctors are generally paid very well – they persuade their patients on a particular course of action
- Salespeople are generally paid very well – they persuade others how their lives will benefit from their product/service
I realised that selling is actually a part of our everyday lives.
The fact is, you are a salesperson – you just don’t know it.
The Empowered Path
I could have stayed where I was and continued to practice law, however I honestly felt a moral duty to teach people the persuasive skills I had learned – to teach people en mass how to advocate for themselves.
The modern reputation of the traditional ‘sales’ industry has unfortunately become sullied by the ‘snake oil salesmen’ from the early 20th century. Following this was the questionable and unethical practices of a small minority of salespeople over the decades and their attempt to shove products/services down the throats of others for the quick benefit of a tasty commission at the expense of the consumer’s real interests.
In contrast, the Samurai in Japan were not only warriors but also held significant roles in politics and society. Their skills in negotiation and strategy were crucial in maintaining their status and influence, highlighting a time when the art of persuasion and negotiation was highly revered.
Today, the majority of salespeople out there refuse to allow an unethical minority to bring their profession into disrepute. If you haven’t yet met a salesperson you admire, look in the mirror.
Play to Win
If more people knew how to communicate with each other better, the world would be a better place.
This starts with you.
Rapid growth comes from placing ourselves in uncomfortable situations. When was the last time you took a risk (socially) and went out on a limb, not knowing if things were going to work out?
Uncomfortable situations no longer seem uncomfortable when you have the right tools at the ready. It becomes fun. You start taking control of your theater script. You start ‘winning the scene’.
At the very least:
- you can negotiate a promotion / salary increase by presenting your potential
- you can make a career shift by acing an interview despite lacking their criteria
- you can help family members adopt healthier lifestyle choices by suggesting new ideas
- you can resolve team conflicts by comfortably facilitating open dialogue
Taking it up a notch, you could also:
- retain a dissatisfied client by proposing actionable solutions
- negotiate medical bills by presenting your case and financial situation
- persuade your landlord to make necessary repairs by articulating their obligations and the benefits of a safe property
- convince local authorities / fellow residents to support a community project like a park restoration to enhance your living conditions
And when you’re ready to push the boundaries, you can:
- raise massive awareness for a cause using social media by persuading your followers
- lead a campaign to change legislation and public opinion by persuading lawmakers
- revolutionize an industry with your startup by persuading investors and the market
Having the skills to confidently persuade and negotiate your way through any challenge in life immensely affects your personal and professional trajectory more than you currently realise.
You have a choice: to use your persuasive ability for personal gain as a ‘dark art’, or to use it for the betterment of humanity to inspire and uplift those around you and help them see things in a different light.
Because I think we can all recognise that today, more than ever, people need help seeing new solutions to old problems.
Persuasion is a Way of Life.
Embrace it and you will draw towards you new networks, opportunities, and a whole new future that you never thought possible.
That’s it for this one. I hope it’s been helpful.
Have a strong week ahead,
Ryan.
